Regarding Purity

To my dear Sisters in Christ:

I am going to expose my past, in the hope of teaching, and of helping any of you dealing with pains from your pasts. I have a past that is full of disgusting muck that I could have easily avoided, and perhaps I can show a younger generation to avoid future hurts.

When I was 13, my Christian parents honored my commitment to wait until marriage to have sex with a beautiful, diamond “promise” ring, or purity ring if that is how you describe them. When I broke that promise at the age of 19, I broke a promise not only to myself and to God, but to the parents who trusted me enough to invest a good sum of money into a visible declaration of my intent to live purely until I was bound, before God, to a husband.

The first of a long string of partners was a man I didn't really know. He was 20, and dating a girl who was 16. I didn't know about her until after we had slept together, but I had met her once (and kissed him in front of her)... and later found out that not only did she obviously know about me, but she knew about the other girls he had and was sleeping with. My first boyfriend (and second partner) I cheated on the night after we first slept together with a man that I met at a bar. My “first love” was separated from his son's mother, but continued to sleep with her while dating and sleeping with me. I have had a total of 4 boyfriends. To my shame, I have slept with around 12 people. Even worse, not only were not all of my partners were men, but the women I slept with were all either in serious relationships, engaged, and in one case, married. I loathe that part of my past.

In short,  when I started dating my husband, I was pretty used up and facing heavy Spiritual opposition. 

We only dated for a couple months, at the end of which my husband proposed. By that point we had a far from perfect relationship, in which we both had failed the other immensely, however, we had both put mile long lists of fleeces before God which had all been checked off in very obvious manners, so I said “yes”. We were married last October.

I feel robbed of the 6 months to a year that we could have had dating and getting to know each other and just having fun... pure and simple. There are a lot of bumps in the road that should have been avoided. We fight, not physically but verbally, more than newly-weds should. When we lost our first pregnancy in February, while it didn't pull us apart, I found it hard to draw close to a man who is still earning my trust... a trust that should have been made complete when we pledged our vows to God before witnesses of family and friends. We are blessed that there is an underlay of knowing we should be fighting for each other, because to my shame I have already threatened and nearly carried out separation with the intent of divorce. And yet, my husband is my best friend.

You might be feeling like this is not an encouragement to you. Here is my point in sharing.

#1) Love covers a multitude of sin.

1 Peter 4:8 – Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.

When I am tempted to throw my husband's sins in his face or my sins in my own face, I need to remember to love him deeply. That love, through Christ, is enough to cover a multitude of sins, both his and my own.

#2) His grace is sufficient.

2 Corinthians 12:9 & 10 – But he said to me, “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then am I strong.

Sometimes, my love for my husband isn't enough to to cover those sins completely. In those times, our Abba Father is waiting with open arms for me to run to him, rest in his arms, and allow Him to take control and let his power be perfected in my weaknesses.

#3) The enemy is like a “roaring lion”... seeking to kill, devour, and destroy.

1 Peter 5:8 & 9 – Be alert and sober minded. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Here is the GREAT part about this promise... I AM NOT ALONE!!! I have my sufferings, and they are so similar to those of other sisters in Christ! And while he may stalk us, within the perfected Power of Christ through my own weaknesses, Satan can NOT destroy me!

I am not perfect in loving my husband. There are so many times (even last night!) that I lose the battle with Satan over the fight for my marriage. But the war has already been won. On the Cross at Calvary, Christ said “it is FINISHED.” As a believer and a fellow heir to the Kingdom, Satan has no hold over my marriage.

In Psalms 103 it says from verses 8 through 10: “The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” and then verse 12 “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Since I have repented, then in my moments of weakness, I need to remember and claim: God does not accuse me any more. Anything else is a lie from Satan to tear me down and drive a wedge between myself and my husband.

In John 8:4 men aiming to trick Jesus brought him a woman and said: “Teacher, this woman was caught int the act of adultery... what do you say?” It is the later part of this answer that I claim... in verse 10 & 11: “Jesus straightened and up and asked her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?' 'No one, sir,' she said. 'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared. 'Go now and leave your life of sin.'

Christ has called us to leave our life of sin, and if we repent – it's  done. I can choose to move on and look towards Christ to build and use my marriage for his glory. Perfect love casts out fear.

I will close with my favorite passage, which I aspire to one day fulfill within my marriage,

1 Peter 3

1-6: Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

8-10^a: Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days... 
11-22: They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit. After being made alive, he went and made proclamation to the imprisoned spirits— to those who were disobedient long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built. In it only a few people, eight in all, were saved through water, and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ,who has gone into heaven and is at God’s right hand—with angels, authorities and powers in submission to him.

Sisters – We are not judged, but loved by women with our own pasts... we understand your hurts because we are going through the same journey. Much love and blessings on your marriage.

Also for women who are struggling with their pasts, I always recommend to women a book I have read called “Captivating” by John and Staci Eldridge. If you would like a copy but don't have the money for it right now, I will be more than happy to get one for you... Please message me with your information.

Love and Light. 

I Kristus Alene – In Christ Alone