We were 6 weeks along with our precious child, so anxious for our pregnancy... so excited to meet our baby. After some spotting there was concern that perhaps the pregnancy might be ectopic. We were terrified, and Abraham took the time off from work to come with me to my ultrasound.
Our breath of relief at finding the gestational sac safely implanted in my uterus was short lived when the ultrasound technician told us that the baby was developed like it should be. She said this could be that we conceived later than we thought or that the baby took its time finding its way through my Fallopian tubes and to the place it implanted. We grabbed on to that little hope, but for me, I began to detach from the pregnancy. My heart knew something was wrong.
I was excited as I showed the ultrasound to my mother-in-law and siblings-in-law, but still something was off about the whole situation. My husband and I were taking an overnight trip to Lincoln, NE from our home in Omaha for our 1 year dating anniversary. So I tried to forget my discomfort.
In Lincoln, I went to the restroom and found I was bleeding. Not much, but bright red. I panicked. My husband and I drove to our motel while I sobbed and screamed and mourned the baby I knew I was losing. After calling my mother who has been an L&D RN for as long as I can remember until becoming an International Certified breastfeeding consultant, my midwife was notified, and she called me immediately to reassure me and tell me she'd call back with my hormone levels that night. When she called, she was hopeful... my hormones were rising... they'd gone from 1200 to 2100 in 48 hours... but all I heard from the call was "not quite doubled"...
My cramping and bleeding subsided for two days. On Valentine's Day, alone at home while my husband worked, it started up again. By the time we reached the ER, I didn't register a urine test and after passing a large clot of tissue (later determined it was *not* our baby), my hormones had dropped down to 100. I was almost complete in my miscarriage.
After a week, my hormones were down to a 3.5, and I was considered done.
My emotions have been all over the place. I grieve for this baby I lost. My arms ache. I miss her. I miss the kisses I would have showered her with. I miss her laughter that would fill my home with joy. I miss the baby tears I would have wiped away as I cradled my sweet baby, singing her to sleep.
But in this darkness I have found purpose. The PA who was in the ER was very "peppy"... the whole 3 hours we were there losing our child. She started by asking when i had been diagnosed "pregnant" which didn't bother me, but my husband wanted to know... was my condition a sickness to be diagnosed? Even though the hospital (a Catholic organization) has a policy of burial for ANY tissue (fetal, non-fetal, and organs from patients) removed, she told me our baby would be incinerated because "it wasn't at 12 weeks gestation." We had to ask that according to our religious beliefs, she be buried. And then we waited for the return call. We, of course, got it. our Miracle Celeste would be buried.
My mother, who as I stated is an RN, and coincidentally last year received Nurse of the Unit, and later Nurse of the Month for the ENTIRE hospital, knew the channels to file a complaint with. At our request, with our permission as well as details of our experience (she was not there), she did so... and it channeled through the Chief of Medical as well as the L&D department AND the ER department managers. We received a not-so-apologetic email from the PA (which the CoM saw, and my husband replied to the CoM to reiterate that my mother's letter was a true witness as requested by me, the patient) as well as apologies and sympathies from BOTH department managers... and a change in policy.
Now, an L&D nurse must be notified if there is a fetal loss in the ER. The ER staff is to be trained at orientation by an L&D nurse on fetal loss and how to help the parents with their grief. A BEAUTIFUL bereavement package (which I received the first prototype!) with a letter of sympathy as well as prayers, grief aid, a Certificate of Life, etc. MUST be given to parents experiencing loss, and included in the package is a 'bereavement card" which goes outside your door, with your files. ALL hospital staff is trained to recognize these cards and act accordingly when entering the room. Each parent experiencing a fetal loss is required to have a follow up call from the hospital's grief department.
What a blessing that in her short life, she achieved something that most grown pro-lifers haven't done in decades... she demanded and received a validation for her LIFE. And now, this hospital's ER will prove... she and others like her have had a LIFE worth grieving.
Love and Light.
Beautiful story, Lydia :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing it.
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ReplyDeleteThank you for being one of the friends who I have learned to lean on through this... and thanks for all the "baby time" I get with your little JoeJoe Bean. ♥
ReplyDelete"We're at the ER. I have nearly completed my miscarriage, so it looks like our little Miracle Celeste Serafino was born into God's arms... what a sweet and perfect Valentine for the one who loved us enough to give his child for me."
ReplyDelete♥ Our announcement to the people we love that our Miracle was born to Heaven. ♥